desired faithfulness

birthday #blogging & a pretty cray update

In this blog post, I decided to title & explain what desired faithfulness is all about. As I explained in my last post, I decided not to go to Biola & move to Napa. This ALL relates back to camp and my decision that Kiniesiolgy wasn't really what I wanted to pursue nor spend the rest of my life in, so why spend extra money, that wouldn't be furthering my degree in any way? Camp was a true eye opener for me & a time where I was able to compare myself to a man called Peter and examine the numerous amount of similarities we share. The theme of camp that week was "faithfulness" and after a week of examining what faithfulness was and what it looked like, I realized that though Peter desired to be faithful at all times, he wasn't - but every time he messed up or lost his way, he turned right back to God. What a beautiful story and testament the life of Peter is. No matter how many times we may refuse God, turn away, or mess up, He is ALWAYS there welcoming us back with open arms. With all of this said, that is why I chose to call my blog "desired faithfulness." Because I mess up, I am not perfect, & as much as I want to be, I am so unfaithful to such a crazy beautiful, all-knowing, loving, and FAITHFUL Father & all I know, is that I DESIRE to be FAITHFUL and I desire to be so in love with Jesus.

This post seems to have been the hardest to write, not because I didn't have much to say, but that I just haven't been able to find the right words to explain everything. It has been 1 month since my last post & WOW, so so so much has happened.

-I bought a car! She is the cutest little Volvo and her name is Lola. I love her.

-My brother is officially a married man & I now have not 1, but 3 new sisters! The wedding was an absolute fairytale & was no doubt the most beautiful, love-filled, breathtaking wedding I've been to - and I'm totally not biased or anything either😉

Quickly following the wedding was my move & a week of hard goodbyes.

So... I am moved out & am officially a college student. What a transition it has been! No doubt, my situation isn't the norm. I not only moved away from home to attend a JC, but I moved to a city where I had to literally start from scratch. No one knew who I was, my teachers didn't (and still don't) know my name, I had absolutely NO friends here, and my support system is an hour and a half drive away. & what makes it even more difficult is that I'm not living in dorms, or apartments, or on campus. My schedule consists of me going to class for 2-3 hours a day, then coming home..

But.. I was so excited! I was ready to start new & make new friends & grow & experience life.. however, my excited spirit was slightly crushed when I walked into my first class on Monday morning in complete culture shock. I thought I was an extrovert until I was placed in a classroom full of unfamiliar faces who did not look happy to be there. This was a brand new environment and an environment that this 17 year old girl who was raised in a private christian school atmosphere wasn't used to. Though there was ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with it, it was just completely different from what I am used & have been exposed to. My eyes were quickly opened to the brokenness, the hurt, and just plain reality (lol). In my mind, I had conjured up all these things and expectations that I believed and wanted to happen. & again, God laughed & changed my plans SO quick I didn't know what to do!

Im going to backtrack just a little in order to explain the full story:

Before I had moved over, I had secured 1 catering job out of Sonoma. It was perfect for me because I was able to make my own schedule. It not only allowed to me to go to school, but take other jobs as well. With that said, I had applied at a little Italian restaurant in the area that my family had some connections with & hit it off great with them! They wanted to, and were planning on hiring me as a part-time hostess once I officially moved over and settled in. Now, because both of these jobs were part time, and the way my school schedule worked out, I was trying for a job with Starbucks. 3 jobs & 14.5 units.. I knew I could totally do this. But just like before... God had other plans - you would think that by now, I would've just learned! So keeping a very long story short: the restaurant job & Starbucks didn't work out.. and something that I NEVER would've ever dreamed or thought of fell right into my hands [quite literally I might add as well] . On the same day - prior to me finding out both jobs weren't going to be a reality - my volleyball teacher had come up to me asking why I wasn't playing on the team. I told her that me playing would not happen - my plan was to work & go to school..thats it. But somehow - within 24 hours of talking to the coach, my parents, a couple friends/mentors - I was on the team, included in the girls' group message & scheduled at the health center to get cleared. & it just so happened that the schedule works out absolutely perfect with my catering jobs & with my classes. WOW. HOLY COW. I KNOW, RIGHT?? - Every time I write or tell someone this story I can't help but laugh.

With all this said, my life the past 2 weeks, as been nothing short of exciting, challenging, hard, & tiring, but I wouldn't want it ANY other way. God knew. He knew the whole entire time & was just waiting for me finally realize that I am not in control, and nor will I ever be. I've learned to seek Him. to trust Him. & most importantly to find strength, rest, and peace in Him. My heart is so full knowing that I have the chance to not only be a light in the home I'm living in, but a light on the volleyball court as well.

Socially, it has been extremely difficult to connect and find girls/guys that love the Lord - but each time that I begin to doubt or get angry that I didn't go to Biola, I know that I just have to give it time. Its ONLY the second week. Its going to be okay, & that reminder is all I need. Like I expressed earlier, my first day was extremely tough. I had FaceTimed a dear friend/mentor of mine that night & the thing that I will never forget her telling me is: "Ally, if you were to have gone to Biola, you would've been taking the easy way out. Yes..you still would've grown spiritually and it would've been difficult financially.. but you wouldn't have had to rely on Him as much. Think about it: by moving to Napa, you legitimately left everything behind. You have no one except for Him. Maybe this was what you needed - to learn how to completely trust & lean on Him because you have nothing else." Those words will forever be engraved into my heart and mind. Because yes, it is extremely difficult, but when I think about the future & the bigger picture, I am so excited.

I am so appreciative for the texts, phone calls, and FaceTime dates that I have gotten - it makes this transition so much easier. & please, please know that you're support and prayers means the absolute world to me.

with love, xoxox

ally dodd.